I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
