there's paper in my vomit.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
