also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
