I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
