That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
