wat bout pragnant strippers??
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
