I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
