I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
