It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
