watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
