I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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