Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
