When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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