I wish I only lived at night.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
