What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
