Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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