After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
