who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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