I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
