Sry I called you an 8
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
