well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
