There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
