And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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