im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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