No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
