please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
