is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
