can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
