put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
