Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
