Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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