Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
