So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
