11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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