how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
