They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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