At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
