dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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