you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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