Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just threw up on my dentist
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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