hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
