Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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