he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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