Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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