I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
