i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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