Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
