I just cut my nipple shaving
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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