ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
