Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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