gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
