Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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