K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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