i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize