rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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