I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
high people should be assigned attendants
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
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