Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
