i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
