Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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