Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
