I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
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Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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